Ford Prefect's 2nd Theory

"If Human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their brains start working."

Ford Prefect's Second Theory About Humans.

From "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe"

by Douglas Adams

n this is how it ends.

~Hope ... its hard ... its really hard for me to abandon all hope .... in any thing, let alone love.

Foolish little child in me will always have hope, but then sometimes, may be, it is totally futile to hope for some particular thing ... specially in relationships. A relationship, specially the one between two lovers is the ideal example of a case where things wont work out with just one person's hopes in it....

I had thought the last time, that I won't hurt like this the next time it happens to me, but I guess I was all wrong. It still hurts, no matter how hard I try to trick my self. The worse thing is that its not just me who hurts like this, but even then there is no place for hope...

I don't want to be strong any more. I just don't want to put up this strong face any more, so that every thing that comes my way doesn't hit me this hard, because its only then that I realize that I am not strong and that I am just as fragile as any one else. I don't want to be strong, because it gives everything a chance to test my strength. Its strange, but I think having more strength would be almost like running away from my self, just ignoring the fact that no matter how strong I get I will always get hurt. I am sure even a stone at the place of my heart wont help!

The worst part is that how easily this really awesome part of your life becomes so distant and detestable. I guess I have grown up enough at least not to let this happen.

The other worst thing is to get rid of the norms and habbits we develop on the way, forgetting the phone numbers, forgetting the email ids and changing schedules to just suit ones own self now. These haunting moments of silence that used to be filled with someone elses voice, forgetting that laughter and those smiles. haah!

I think its time I share my break-up playlist, so here are my favourite breakup songs (in no particular order), while I get rid of these tears, go ahead and enjoy some nice music.









I guess that's it for now ....

Let the healing begin :)

Dull Flame of Desire - Bjork

I love your eyes, my dear .... their splendid sparkling fire~

I can listen to this song over and over again a thousand times without getting tired. Bjork's and Antony Hegarty's voice blends so well, it creates such perfect harmony that in every single word pronounced in this song I find music....

This really creative video was made by the 3 runners up of the innocent video copmpetition.

I love your eyes, my dear... their splendid sparkling fire~

A..... a`ishiteru~

I will hold you.... I will give you that shoulder you need.
You can cry all you want .... and I will see those tears drip down your face even though it will hurt me too.
I know it hurts... that's why I will be there for you, as we all need some one to hold on to when we hurt....

Morita Douji - Bokutachi no Shippai

OST for KouKou Kyoushi 1993, 2003 (High School Teacher)

click for lyrics and translation.

Stuck in the present ~

~Spark

I am glad for this sleepless night, ends with this spark. A spark that holds the promise of flames. Flames that will warm up my soul and whole existence.... Burn and Rise!

I have figured it out, yet again..... or so I think.

The problem is, I don't know the future!

Yes, this is for the first time in my life or life as far as I have known it like this.... that I don't know the future.

I think, you can either know your destiny or the path towards it.
For now, I choose knowing the destiny, and will make my own path towards it :)

Thanks to a sleepless night of dreams, my morning star of hope and a guru.... for the spark.

Have a great day and enjoy this song from Amy Lee - Listen to the rain :)
My song for this night.... the night with a spark n the rain.



~ Thanks to punkrockpixie42 for putting up these pics and the song together.

What am I to you?

The video has been disabled from embedding so click here for the song :)

What am I to you? .... Tell me darling true ... To me you are the sea, vast as you can be ... and deep the shade of blue :)

~ ~ tell me darling true ... what am I to you?

the difference ....

The difference is ... when I ask, Are you stupid? .... you make a sad face :( and say "I am not stupid"... but when you say that I am stupid ... I smile :D and say, 'yes I am'.

:D

Freedom

I want to be free ... in its truest form!

I don't know if its good or not ... but I just feel like it ....

I want to be free ... in its real sense!

I don't know if its right or wrong ... but I want it ....

I want to be free ... till I find enough reasons not to be so!

I don't know if its possible or not ... but I know I will try ....

On the path of rediscovery...

This last week has been great. I almost rediscovered the reason for which I had decided to go for graduate studies, or a PhD.

... persistent sleep deprivation, the constant intake of caffeine or other such stimulants to keep you up, to keep the lights of your brain on, this feeling of hunger 'coz you have not eaten for a while... almost feeling like chewing the words you say or read... mouth watering effect of certain theories and certain ideas that you come across .... your feet getting heavier and harder to move as you tread across the campus from lab to lab, pulling your tired body around here and there... considering your body nothing else but a mere means for your brain to transport from one place to another... the same routine almost every day, just that it gets more intense with every new day ... this feeling of being disconnected from the rest of the world... and not giving a damn as to what happens in .... you can't miss this all? right? You simply can't, because the moment you get your results in, the feelings involved around that moment, specially when you present the results of a successful experiment... that feeling of lightness, that feeling of success and the immense pleasure you get out of these simple moments is simply priceless.... then the couple of days you get in between for a short break to relax are worth living your whole life for... ahem.

Yes, I know.... most of us start by thinking that its going to be for the greater good of the larger humanity, we will solve the problems for the well being of mankind, society will progress by leaps and bounds, and other such notions of grandeur and self appeasement. I think to some extent it might be true, we do have these notions at the back of our thoughts and actions, but to be honest, mostly its this high you get from the successful results. We just love doing what we do, Science! :D

This self rediscovery, no matter how pleasing it may be, brings up a lot of questions and stirs up a few debates in the colosseum of my existence. Its for these debates and these notions that I believe this is not going to be the last time that I go to school (for learning), neither the last degree, and definitely not the last skill I develop.